My husband is gay but were married with two kids

For years, I lived what many would consider a typical life — I was married to a kind man, raising two wonderful children and navigating the daily routines of family life. But, underneath it all, I felt disconnected. As if I was playing a role. Before meeting my husband, my dating life was pretty conventional.

I had relationships with men — some lasting longer than others — but none that sparked a deep sense of fulfilment. Previously I had been in quite a few volatile situations, but John made me feel safe. He was kind and decent, and that was important to me. Things progressed quickly between us.

Luke — my son from a previous relationship — and I moved in with John and I soon became pregnant with our daughter, Sky. Two years after Sky was born, we married. We got on well, had similar interests, were respectful to one another, and together we built a nice life.

Our marriage, in many ways, looked idyllic from the outside. But at the core, we were more like good friends. Physically, our relationship was more functional than passionate. At the time, I chalked that up to the demands of parenting and the fatigue that comes with everyday life.

My husband never suspected that I might be gay — and neither did I. InI had a breakdown. I had a family and career, but inside, I was struggling. The tipping point came when I took on a new job with more responsibility and longer hours, pushing me to breaking point. For the first time, I started shutting down and stopped speaking, which was bizarre for me.

My brain just stopped functioning, and I had nothing left to give. However, before realising I was gay, a long-awaited diagnosis helped me reclaim one part of my identity.

'How I found out my partner was gay'

I found a video of women talking about their experiences as autistic adults. As I listened, I started to realise that I had been living with autism all along. When diagnosed, at the age of 30, it was a relief. My husband was very supportive of my diagnosis because he could see the struggles that I had behind closed doors.

Having time for myself was incredibly important and when that was taken away it put a huge strain on our relationship. It went from being very stable, safe and pleasant to unbearable. In SeptemberI left my husband. I continued dating men, but nothing worked.

I kept ending up in relationships that felt like hard work.